Thumbs Down!!!

I lost another 1 kg... heee.... Its two pounds man....
Geee.. im so into getting skinny again.. seriously i cant wait..
Hehehe.... Hmmm.. guess wat, i have dis debt which iz i dunno wen imma goin 'settle it down'..
Gosh!!! im so overwhelm wif my conditions rite now.
Im penniless... Im still fat~~ I still cant resist food!!! (seriously im cravings 4 McD, Carbonated drinks, soups, even da black pepper chkn dat i used 2 cook 4 my family!!!!)
Im not going into binging evry food dat delicious n yet undesireable yummy...
I need to stop dis crazy attitude.. of irresistable wen lookin at food~ =P
Yeah, 'u wish lulu,u wish!!!'
God... Help me... I really need 2 be skinny again... Pleezzz... (T_T)
The thing is, evry time im glancin at these foods, i gonna like saying "aahhh, nemind,ill just taste it"... Feww sec.. Then im droolin like a washing machine.. There u go, "Maybe a bite doesnt harm aite.." Then... i will stop n regret n thinkin bout binging... (Snap!!!!) I cant do dis...
N dats it, my sis got back from klcc dis evening n guess wat!!

Knock2(my room)...

Angah: Hey, i bought u somein', check it out urself..
Me: Urmmm... k... ( i get myself in2 da dining hall....)
Then... Buzz!!!!
Me: Nooo wayyy.... Fuck up!!!! Its a spicy chckn mcdeluxe burger wif fries n carbonate drink...

I bursted into tears of joy.. can u just believe dat.... My favoritee all da time!! How am i gonna resist dat!!!!!!

Me:Y r u buyin all theseee???? Im on diet ok!! I wanna loose 10 pounds dis week.
Angah:R u kiddin me?? If i dont buy 4 u.. then ull say dis n dats about how im negleting u...
bla..bla.. bla... N,bullshit. Dats not going 2 happen. I mean dat 10 pounds.. Eat up~
Me:K...
Angah: Neway, thanks!!! (sneer)
Me: yah,yah.... Thank you!!! (Damn..!! U just ruined my 'deeate'!!!)
Neway... just 4 2day.... Its not a big deal aite,aite.. (Gosh!!! i feel soooo fatttt!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Hmmm.... Sorry ana, mia n ed... I let u guys down... Puke??? Naaahhh..
* But ill think bout it~~~ =)

K,
Talk bout fat?? Checked!
Talk bout food?? Checked!
Hmm... Yeah, money?? Here we go...

Dis noon i got a msg from my fren n he said dat i have to pay his fren da sum dat id borrowed last 5 months in order 2 pay 2 my x-rumate, aisya. (becoz i borrowed her just 2 fly 2 ipoh meeting wif my cheating BF!!)I took about 500 from her n i paid some n left another 350. So, i was like so devastated as if i wanna kill myself so dat i will have no more probs now so as in da 'prospective' future!! Then, 1 day, she askd me da money, but i askd her 2 wait... untill she cant stand da fact dat im pausing her n keep stalling da period dat she already gave me... There u go... A full blast of curse word dat i still remember until now, which hurts me a lot until i cried into 1 of my bestie's arms dat nite at da library..

Da next day, i called my other fren, than he said he can help in condition needing me promising him to pay back asap... He borrowed it from 1 of his fren... Months goes by.... I still havent pay him back...N i was enjoying wif all da money i had from my parents despite from settle all my debt.. I always postpone my thougts wen it came 2 bank in da money 2 him..Then he msg me dis evenin after, my fren msg me, he said he need da money..So, i was asking him 2 delay again in order 4 me 2 figure dis out.. but he refused 2..
N... yeah!!! Dats serves me rite!!!!!!!!! Poor myself..... Hmm...
N i end up wif lying to my mom.. n dats wat i need 2 do rite... 4 survive...

Sometimes... I wish it wasnt me dat goin thru all dis thing....
I am pathetic...
Im sorry 4 my own self...
Wat can i do... Id tried 2 be a better person b4...
Ive been living by carrying my sins all these days..
Now u can tell rite, how am i goin 2 be happy again................

~Fin~

Only if u could see da tears in my eyes.. Im not faking... Dis is taken last year~